fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
