What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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