I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
