someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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