ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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