wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
