Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
