I wish I could teleport
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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