It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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