Taylor Swift is so right about you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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