I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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