It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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