Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
