Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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