You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
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I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
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Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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