I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
