I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize