I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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