So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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