The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
