census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
