I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize