38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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