Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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