I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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