More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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