I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
