Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
