so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
