either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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