I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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