I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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