It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
