She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
