it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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