Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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