yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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