Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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