anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize