only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
