Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
