OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
