I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
