Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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