Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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