I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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