he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
