Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
