I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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