Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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