WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
