I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
