I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
