I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
