Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
