Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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