I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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