Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
