i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
