Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Bring me that man meat
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
