Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
