im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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