just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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