Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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